I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
