erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
where are my pants?
in the oven.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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