I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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