ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
