make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
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Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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