Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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