It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
