At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
How does one acquire holy water?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
