WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
