The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
two words: eviction party
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
