my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
