I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
even my farts smell like vagina
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
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I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize