im having a threesome with these popsicles
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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