i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If that was your dad, he is hot
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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