i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
