D3 body, D1 cock
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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