If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
