saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
