just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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