She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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