Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
