Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
