My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
