I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
