P.S. I can't hear my feet
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
