i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
