i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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