If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
