I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
