hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
