Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize