I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
