And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i think my mom watched the whole time
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
