God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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