peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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