jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
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Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
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She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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