last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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