I am full of burrito and curiosity
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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