I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
