the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
