to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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