Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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