you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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