Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
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I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
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You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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