John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
