well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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