i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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