I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
