Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
