i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
im about as happy as oj after his trial
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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