i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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