Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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