The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
