Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
