Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
