I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
