You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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