Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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