She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My ATM looks so different sober.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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