are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
