I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
