You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
