we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
